Voyage of the Rock Aliens [VHS]

Voyage of the Rock Aliens [VHS]
by James Fargo

Category: VHS Video
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Product details

Actor: Craig Sheffer, Michael Berryman, Pia Zadora, Ruth Gordon, Tom Nolan
Director: James Fargo
Producer: Brian Russell
Producer: Charles Hairston
Writer: Charles Hairston
Producer: Edward Gold
Writer: Edward Gold
Producer: Max A. Keller
Writer: James Guidotti
Edition: VHS Tape
Audio: English (Original Language), Analog
Format: NTSC
Running Time: 97 minutes
Audience Rating: PG (Parental Guidance Suggested)

VHS Movie Reviews of Voyage of the Rock Aliens [VHS]

Movie Review: Ohhh the music! Ohhh the magic!! OH - THE PIA!!!
Summary: 5 Stars

A good Pia Zadora film is truly a contradiction in terms. But even at their trashy self-promoting worst (BUTTERFLY, FAKE OUT, THE LONELY LADY), they never scaled the queasy heights that 'VOYAGE OF THE ROCK ALIENS' reaches with its desperate last-ditch attempts to showcase Pia's ...for lack of a better word... talent.

'ROCK ALIENS' is a...ERM...musical produced in 1984 but not released until 1988. (And looks like it was extremely dated by 1985.) Not only are we subjected to bad acting, but bad acting performed in parachute pants, Flock Of Seagulls hairdos and - god help us - mullets-for-women! Compounding this offense, the music features mind-numbing synth rock and one of our personal favorites - neutered rockabilly.

We think we can speak for everybody when we say that most films could be improved immensely if only they included a video starring Jermaine Jackson and Pia Zadora. And that video should feature them as two unrequited lovers stuck in the middle of a gangland war that pits the extras from 'FAME' against a large group of Male Nuns on motorcycles. We've prayed for this particular visual for years, and finally someone was gutsy enough to include it in this very movie.

Whoever that someone is -- Bless you!

Once the video ends, we're quickly thrown aboard a guitar-shaped spaceship manned by a crew of bad Devo impersonators (the rock group Rhema) and their very annoying robot. The aliens discuss their vague mission; to explore earth, then promptly beam down in a telephone booth a la DOCTOR WHO.

Meanwhile on earth, Didi (Zadora) is singing one of her many, MANY songs. And this upsets her abusive boyfriend Frankie (Craig Sheffer), not because her singing sounds like a bad female impersonator emulating Jayne Mansfield, but because - for no explained reason - Sheffer will only allow his rockabilly band and no one else to perform in the town of Speelburgh. (Yes... SPEELBURGH ... Perhaps Hitchcockville and Lucasboro were too obvious.) It must be said that Sheffer's acting choices for Frankie the toughie are top notch. We just know he means business by the way he blinks and twitches a lot.

Zadora soon grows tired of Sheffer's tormenting the leather-clad citizens and takes an interest in the alien commander ABCD (pronounced "absid"). Surprisingly, ABCD instantly falls for Zadora. We know this because he blows up - literally - from sheer passion. (In every Zadora flick, only the males ON SCREEN succumb to lust-fueled frenzies when she enters the room - the males in the audience seem to have a natural immunity.)

Thanks to the alien's knack for ripping-off Devo, they're invited to play at Hiedi High's school dance where ABCD plans to woo Zadora away from Sheffer. Of course, Sheffer gets wind of this, and tries to stop them from playing at all costs. Aside from subplots involving local sherriff Ruth Gordon (!) pursuing the aliens, and Michael (THE HILLS HAVE EYES) Berryman as (surprise,surprise) an escaped mental patient, that is pretty much all there is.

Primarily written as a showcase for Pia's dubious talents, it's a tad strange that she's barely in it. Oh, she's featured prominently during the many musical interludes (which hilariously point out the only thing worse than her acting is her singing and dancing.) But oddly the film's focus seems to rest on the Rock Aliens, (a.k.a. Rhema). A major mistake. Their total lack of charm and musical talent make you long for more accomplished musicians, like THE NEW MOUSEKATEERS or David Hasselhoff. And their many stale fish-out-of-water antics wouldn't pass muster on a sub-par episode of TVs 'PERFECT STRANGERS'.

But every Bad Direct-To-Video Pia Zadora Musical (released in 1988) has an upside: If you know an annoying person who just won't shut up about how terrific the '80s were, show them this film, and feel free to chuckle as they whimper, stammer and slowly regress into a fetal position. But just be sure to avert your OWN eyes, or you'll soon be joining them.

Movie Review: The crown jewel of my collection!
Summary: 5 Stars

So, This movie is really serious. I spent an entire afternoon combing the island of Manhatten looking for aplace that carried used VHS cassettes. After a rather fruiless search I stumbled upon a Porn Shop on the corner of About 26th and 6th. They had a stack of VHS tapes along the bottom edge of the store that I decided to look through. After looking at the rediculous cover of this tape, I flipped it over and read the first scentence. "A guitar shaped spaceship streaks across the night sky in search of the origins of Rock & Roll" I purchased the movie then and there, and have never looked back. Of the actuall movie, I can only say great things. If however you are one of those crumudgeonly types who looks back on the 80's and feels only regret and loathing, you should run for the hills. From the Jermain Jackson video in the beginning, to the New Wave Vs. Rockabilly battle of the bands at the climax, this movie is a non stop blast. If I could buy a copy of this movie for everyone, I SO would. Nuff Said.

Movie Review: I'm just a bit embarassed
Summary: 1 Stars

I was actually an extra in this movie (my one line was cut!). It's pretty bad but is a nice little early 80s snapshot of the kind of Stray Cats vs. Duran Duran thing that was happening at the time. My highlight in the filming was when the producer's wife (Charlie's Angel Cheryl Ladd) was on the set. The Ruth Gordon scenes were flown in. She was never on the set. They just recruited a lot of us from the punk club in Atlanta (688) and Pia had a couple of us kicked out. Mindless.

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Voyage of the Rock Aliens [VHS]

Voyage of the Rock Aliens [VHS]by James Fargo